Rotten mind

    Furious screams echoed from the first floor. It was calm just a second ago. What changed? Ah, yes. The older sister got home. Poor girl, she never got her rest. Never kept quiet like her younger copy. It's not fair that she gets away just because she never speaks up. And when she does never continues the arguments.

    But she doesn't have it easy as well. She wants to be strong and independent, to protect herself. When the time comes she just looks at the ground, focuses on her own breathing, and isolates herself in a space where she should be safe. She never is. Her family's negativity stacks along with her helplessness, it rots her insides, spoils her head, and makes her cry for no reason.

    A trait or a flaw?

    When both negative and positive get compared it always turns out to be a flaw. And the young girl knows that. It's more than clear for her that this state she is stuck in is not healthy. Still, there never is enough strength, power, and confidence to break out of this cycle.

    And so she continues listening to the argument from the floor below. It gets heated. You could easily recognize tears in her mother's voice.

    Of course, she thinks it's her fault. Who's else would it be? Her sister was traveling today because of her, she got frustrated because it's her day off. And so, she was a little spiky on the phone when their mother called. If they had stayed home if the younger sibling had gone on her own. But, no. She couldn't travel alone. Her insecurity and anxiety are too strong. She had to be held by the hand her whole life.

    Some times she considers that she isn't the only one to blame. That she didn't raise herself there might be other reasons for the ways she is. Then she remembers it's all her own choices. She chose her life to this point. She has to choose better if she wants things to be better.

    Her head may rot down but at least her family will get this little bit happier... right?